St Nicholas, the jovial and benevolent bearer of Christmas gifts
died when his custom-made sleigh collided with a Jumbo Jet just outside the North Pole, newly-impoverished parents reported to their children yesterday.
The man more commonly known as “Father Christmas” (or “Santa” to the offspring of out-of-work American stockbrokers) was out on one of his regular pre-Christmas reconnaissance missions to check which children have been good this year, when chief reindeer Rudolph “got spooked and steered the sleigh directly into the path of a Toronto-bound 747,” distraught kids were told.
“Come on now Timmy, you have to be strong,” said Brian Gough, a recently-laid-off construction worker from Redditch, as his 6-year-old son’s bottom lip started to wobble. “We must give thanks for his life – not cheapen his name by thinking of ourselves on Christmas Day. I know you were really looking forward to that remote control car
, but sometimes cherished memories can be as rewarding as material gifts.”
Jeremy Davis, a 37-year-old HBOS executive whose five-figure new-year bonus was cancelled due to the credit crunch, gathered his two children solemnly in his study as he broke the news. “I know it’s tough, kids, but your mother and I want to make sure you still have the best Christmas ever – so we will fill your stockings with satsumas, socks and other simple gifts to remind you that only Santa was special enough to have been able to find you a Playstation 3.”
“You should probably still leave out that whiskey and plate of mince pies though as a mark of respect. It’s what he would have wanted”
Brave Lauren Cole, 5, said that children everywhere would do their best to keep the memory of Father Christmas alive. “Mummy told me not to worry about Mrs. Claus or the elves because they have stopped making all those presents, and are now busy building a shrine to Santa in Lapland.”
Lauren concluded that she was “happy” Father Christmas was now in heaven playing party games with the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny, who also perished recently in unrelated incidents involving pillow suffocation and death by chocolate respectively.
Google may be doing the rounds again…
It’s been said through the grapevine that Google may be doing the rounds again. What do I mean by ‘doing the rounds’? – updating page rank (or PR)…
What good is PR? I guess for some people who like to sell links on their websites etc, it does give other sites a better chance of getting a higher PR. A bit like a vicious circle – if you have high PR you can give some of it to another site, give too much of it away and you will lose PR. Googles way of stopping or penalising link farms?
- There are 373,766 people in the U.S. with the first name Steve.
- Statistically the 153rd most popular first name.
- More than 99.9 percent of people with the first name Steve are male.
- Names similar to Steve:
- There are 638 people in the U.S. with the last name Dorrington.
- Statistically the 41520th most popular last name.
There is 1 person in the U.S. named Steve Dorrington.
More info (or find out how rare you are): How Many of Me
I would like to make this public apology to anyone who knows me. Everyone who knows me, knows my musical tastes. I have tastes that fit my age nicely. Well something happened on Saturday night…
I had just knocked up a nice chicken curry (low cholesterol kids, so don’t worry). I sat down in front of the TV (something a bit rare for me I know). I watched a bit of Michael Palin’s Europe then turned over to watch XFactor.
Then it happened. Continue reading
It all went to bat sh*t. I have some plugins, you know those things that do stuff on the blog, and they’re not compatible…
Well hopefully it is all sorted out now and back up and running.
Lesson of the day? Backup BEFORE you upgrade – no matter what they say, there will always be something to poke you in the eye with a sharp stick.
PS My mouse battery is just about to die and it is 2am in the morning – I hope I have a spare!
Having experience of using local and outsourced programmers:
Never EVER believe the following from a programmer:
1. Examples of work* (unless on the site of someone you know and they’ve been openly using it for at least 3-6 months)
2. Testimonials (unless from someone you know – see 1 above)
3. Reviews (unless from someone you know – see 1 above)
4. Sites they’ve developed (see 1 above)
5. Certification of ownership/rights (coders can disappear overnight when they are found out)
6. Statistics (PR can be forged, traffic can easily be diverted, forum posts/comments/testimonials can be forged)
Sorry, been well busy doing stuff. If you look hard enough you will easily find out what I’ve been up to…
It’s not rocket science, but you will have to read 😉 to find out.
Don’t you love a mystery?
“Money isn’t the key to happiness…
But if you have money – you can have a key made!