CarpetDog

The Gary Halbert Letter

Here Is A Story For You…

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, YSL tie and Ray Ban sunglasses leans out of the window and asks the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”

The shepherd looks at the man who is obviously a Princeton grad, then looks at his grazing flock and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Sony notebook computer, connects to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location. He feeds that data to another NASA satellite which scans the area in an ultra-high resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility located in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an e-mail on his “Palm Pilot” that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an e-mail on his “Blackberry” and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser jet printer and turns to the shepherd and states, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep,” says the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on, amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the shepherd says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and replies, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a consultant,” says the shepherd.

“Wow! That’s correct,” answers the yuppie. “But how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required. You showed up here even though nobody called you… you want to get paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never asked… and… you don’t know shit about my business.

“Now Give Me Back My Dog!”

The Spoof : Father Christmas Killed in Tragic Sleigh Accident, Say Cash-Strapped Parents

St Nicholas, the jovial and benevolent bearer of Christmas gifts
died when his custom-made sleigh collided with a Jumbo Jet just outside the North Pole, newly-impoverished parents reported to their children yesterday.

The man more commonly known as “Father Christmas” (or “Santa” to the offspring of out-of-work American stockbrokers) was out on one of his regular pre-Christmas reconnaissance missions to check which children have been good this year, when chief reindeer Rudolph “got spooked and steered the sleigh directly into the path of a Toronto-bound 747,” distraught kids were told.

“Come on now Timmy, you have to be strong,” said Brian Gough, a recently-laid-off construction worker from Redditch, as his 6-year-old son’s bottom lip started to wobble. “We must give thanks for his life – not cheapen his name by thinking of ourselves on Christmas Day. I know you were really looking forward to that remote control car
, but sometimes cherished memories can be as rewarding as material gifts.”

Jeremy Davis, a 37-year-old HBOS executive whose five-figure new-year bonus was cancelled due to the credit crunch, gathered his two children solemnly in his study as he broke the news. “I know it’s tough, kids, but your mother and I want to make sure you still have the best Christmas ever – so we will fill your stockings with satsumas, socks and other simple gifts to remind you that only Santa was special enough to have been able to find you a Playstation 3.”

“You should probably still leave out that whiskey and plate of mince pies though as a mark of respect. It’s what he would have wanted”

Brave Lauren Cole, 5, said that children everywhere would do their best to keep the memory of Father Christmas alive. “Mummy told me not to worry about Mrs. Claus or the elves because they have stopped making all those presents, and are now busy building a shrine to Santa in Lapland.”

Lauren concluded that she was “happy” Father Christmas was now in heaven playing party games with the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny, who also perished recently in unrelated incidents involving pillow suffocation and death by chocolate respectively.

Hollywood Gossip – Life Altering Knowledge – and More!
Throw Dubya Out The Window!
President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One.

George looked at Laura, chuckled and said…

Photo Sharing and Rating – nicelol.com

nicelol is the place for the best pictures ever and people who like to party

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Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.”

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”

“It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies.

“Great!” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Read the rest of this entry »